Travel Humor: You know you’re in Los Angeles when…

Travel On The Dollar
May 5, 2009  •  3 min(s) read

1. You’re driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends.
2. You’re sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day.
3. You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch.
4. You begin to “lie” to your friends about where you are (i.e. “Yeah I’m like 20 minutes away”) – when you know that it’ll take you at least an hour to get there).
5. You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.
6. You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it’ll be your favorite Laker or WB star.
7. You make a conscious choice to watch Jay Leno over David Letterman.
8. You know it’s best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
9. Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about “twenty minutes”.
10. You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.
11. You’ve inadvertently learned Spanish.
12. In the “winter”, you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
13. You know what “sigalert”, “PCH”, and “the five” mean.
14. If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you’re definitely driving.
15. Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
16. You can’t fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.
17. When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.
18. You’ve trespassed through private property to get to the “Hollywood” sign.
19. You don’t stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
20. You’ve ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.
21. You think that Venice is a beach.
22. You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don’t notice.
23. You’ve started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON’T WALK sign started flashing.
24. You’ve never listened to NPR.
25. You think Manhattan is a beach.
26. You eat pineapple on pizza.
27. When giving directions, you follow up with the phrase: “With/Without traffic.”
28. Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your rear view mirror. You don’t panic or even flinch. Instead, you call your friends on your car phone and tell them you’re on TV.
29. You know that if you drive two quarter mile(s) in any direction you will find a McDonald’s or a Starbucks.
30. You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.
31. You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: “That ain’t even a 5-pointer” and go back to sleep.
32. You think you are better than the people who live “Over the Hill”. It don’t matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
33. You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.
34. Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.
35. You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, ”They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space.”
36. You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.
37. You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don’t have any.
38. You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.
39. You’ve gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.
40. Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don’t notice.
41. The gym is packed at 3pm…on a workday.
42. Any invitation comes with, “Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic.”
43. It’s sprinkling and there’s a report on every news station about “STORM WATCH ‘99?
44. You call 911 and they put you on hold.
45. The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn’t caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.
46. All the “cool gyms” allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?
47. The waitress asks if you’d like “carbs” in your meal.

Travel On The Dollar